and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
