3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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