He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
