I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
As shirtless as possible
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
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