Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
found the other keg... it's in the tree
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
