So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
