you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
