He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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