He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
