Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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