I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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