if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
pray to the hookup gods
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
