I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
