Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
