I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
