He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
My feet surprised me
Randomize
