Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
You dont lie about slip and slides
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
