Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
