You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
