I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
