I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
