she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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