Screwed.edu
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
