Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
