I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I had to cum in my sink.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
