I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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