you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
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