Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
You are a genius and a whore.
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