i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
