so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
So many bounce houses so little time
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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