I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
