first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
