Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
