I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
