what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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