Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
