Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Dick very happy bro
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
