P.S. I can't hear my feet
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
