dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
