No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
