Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
