Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
