Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Randomize
