Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
