He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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