i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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