she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
What drink are we having for lunch?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
