Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
