Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
