i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
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