Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
