I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Sorry about my life...
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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