My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
